Thursday, January 10, 2013

The evolution of snoring

There will be no referenced scientific studies or links in this post.  I base this purely upon my orifices opinions, which like every other human being on the planet I possess.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I must inform you that I am highly biased on this subject in that I snore loud enough to be heard throughout the entirety of our two story house. On a particularly vocal night, I can be heard on the driveway.

Man's technology has progressed much faster than his physiological evolution. Case in point, man saw waving fields of grain. Man observed cloven hooved animals consuming the waving fields of grain and wondered if it was good to eat. Seeing as the waves of grain did not run from you or try to gore you when you tried to stick a pointy stick in them, this appeared to be beneficial.  Man, tasted the waving fields of grain whereupon he declared, "this tastes like shit", and immediately broke out in hives.
Man endeavored for many years to render the the waves of grain into something palatable, finally succeeding.  This is how Wonder Bread was invented.
The unintended consequences birthed the profession of the witch doctors known as Allergists, treating the most ubiquitous allergy on planet, wheat.
I digress.
Where was I?  Oh yes, Man's technology.  My caveman ancestors did not have Brinks or ADT security systems to warn them that a saber tooth tiger or bear-o-saurus was entering the cave intent on an easy meal.
Fortunately, my BAR ancestors snored.  15 or 20 cave snorers, enhanced by the band shell shape of the cave is enough to deter any hairy beasty.  As for how they all managed to sleep together in a dirty, hairy, flea infested pile in the cave, I can only surmise that from their efforts to render waving fields of grain into something edible, they were completely exhausted.

The clans that did not evolve active snoring security are no longer with us.



4 comments:

  1. Ah! I did not realize I was providing household security! Now if there wasn't the whole "I just woke myself up snoring" thing didn't happen...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have embarrassed myself on a plane that way.

      Delete
  2. Man endeavored for many years to render the the waves of grain into something palatable, finally succeeding.

    Thus creating BEER !!!!!!

    there, fixed it for ya.

    As for how they all managed to sleep together in a dirty, hairy, flea infested pile in the cave...

    Was because of BEER.

    Fixed another one


    :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. BAR corporate sent a note that there is an editor's position open, in case you are interested. The salary is $0, BUT the benefits are, the benefits are, well...they suck. You pay your own medical bills out of pocket.

      Snark aside, that made me laugh Bob.
      Why didn't I think of that? Oh, duh I was beer blogging.

      Delete

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